Friday, October 7, 2011

SAHMs = Tai Tai (太太)?

This was first drafted back in February 2010.  Yes, that is 1 year 10 months ago.  Being lengthy, it took me a  long time to organise my thoughts and when things got busier, I totally forgotten about this until I saw HHB's posting here.  What's past is past so I was hesitant if I should post this.  I mean, I tend to take things easier now, not as easily agitated as before.

With my recent encounter with a working mom who is also a weekend mom, I've decided to go ahead with my posting. I hope that through my sharing, working class people will know the life of a SAHM (stay-at-home-moms), typically those with no extra pair of hands.

We do not wish to be taken for granted, neither do we like to hear sarcastic criticism, especially from people who know us.  Being a homemaker is no easy feat, so please give us your support and encouragement.  Although we are not directly contributing to the society, we are contributing at home so that our offsprings will be able to contribute to the society when they grow up.

So please bear with me as this is definitely a lengthy post.

And I just updated this in my FB
"You need to BEEN THERE DONE THAT to understand the predicaments that SAHMs are going through, else shut your trap as no comments are appreciated."


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Thoughts dated: Feb 2010 - Feb 2011
Put yourself in these situations:

  • Your two year old toddler is awake and she asks to be nursed.  You have another school going child to attend to.

  • You are almost late for school but the kids are playing and took forever to finish their breakfast.  After shower and all dressed up ready for school, while waiting for the lift at the lift lobby, one child needs to poo.

  • The dog is paper-trained but it is advisable to walk the dog at least twice daily as the nature of your dog is hyperactive.  Again, when you're all ready, your two year old toddler poops or refuses to walk the dog simply because she is very sleepy/cranky and wanted to take her nap.

  • A visit to the local supermarket for grocery shopping with a two year old in tow.  The cleaner with the cleaning machine approaches, creating a noise louder than a vacuum cleaner.  She freezes and refuses to walk until the machine is out of her sight and hearing.  Else she wants to be carried as she's afraid, and when she's in your arms, she clings on like a koala, without any moment of relaxation.  You have a full load of items in your shopping basket.

  • At the supermarket: your two year old is happily walking around helping you pick up fruits and vegetables.  A good educational trip but you have to ensure she doesn't drop the perishables, nor poke her fingers into cling-wrapped food, and be certain there are no extra food in your shopping cart.

  • You are at the supermarket and just when you finish making a payment, you child tells you she needs to go to the loo.  You have a trolley full of paid merchandise.

  • It is time to prepare lunch but your toddler needs a nap .  After putting her to bed, you are on 5th gear mode and work doubly fast to be on time to pick your son from school.  When it's time to fetch your son, your toddler is still napping.  You had to either carry the toddler up, praying that she continues to sleep or wake her up.  A cranky child awakes.

  • When your son returns from school, you are in the kitchen serving their lunch.  The 2 kids are left to play by themselves.  Peace.  Suddenly a child wails.  With your hands full of lather (or perhaps cleaning up the fish that you are planning to steam), she clings onto your thigh and wants to be carried.  Your dishes are half-done, meals uncooked.

  • Food is served.  Kids enjoying their food while you wash up the dishes in the kitchen.  You heard giggles and laughters, next comes the squabbles follows by a dropping bowl/spoon.  You walk towards the children to receive your welcome gifts.









  • Your eldest child is back from school. On most days, she stays back for lunch in school. She has 1 -  2 hours to complete her school work and learn her spelling (both English and Mother Tongue). Your toddler is asking for her nap again. When she naps, it's time to prepare dinner. When she wakes up, it's time for their 30 minutes (minimal) outdoor activities. Back from outdoor play, dinner after shower.

  • Your mobile phone rings.  You receive a call from your eldest child school.  Your child is either sick or there is no school bus for that day.  You have to lug 2 young children to your eldest child's school.  Worse if your toddler is taking her nap and you have to wake her up, cranky.  It is a mere 10 - 15 mins walk but with 2 shorter legs, it takes 20 - 25 mins.  Sometimes you tend to walk faster as you are hurrying, the poor kids have to run after you, panting.  Late dinner.

  • Fruits after dinner is a routine.  While kids are having their dinner, you wash up the dishes and the stove.  After brushing their teeth and sending them to bed, you take your 3rd shower of the day.  Then it's time to do the laundry.  By the time you are done with laundry, it is past midnight.

  • Sweeping and mopping the floor is a daily affair.  You allow the kids to mess up during play but when they are done, they need to pack up.  Reminders given but no action taken.  House is constantly is in mess.  Remedy, you help them to pack but the toys don't go back into the toy basket, they go into hibernation ie storeroom.




  • Your husband is on an overseas trip again but you have forgotten to think/miss him.  Totally completely exhausted by the end of the day.

  • You sleep 4 - 6 hours daily.

  • Your hair needs regular trimming (3 - 4 weeks) to maintain the style but to go to the hair salon, you need to lug either 1, 2 or 3 kids.  You end up visiting the hair salon every 4 -  5 months, and that is already a bonus.
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Thoughts dated: Jun 2011



I'm not saying I'm a capable woman, neither am I a superwoman.  I am in this situation because I am a SAHM.  I'm left with no other options but since I'm one, I am trying my utmost best to be a good mother and a good wife.

As far as I'm concern, it is infuriating how people label SAHMs as 太太 (pronounced as tai tai) or "free" ie nothing better to do. I get loads of such comments from friends/acquittances/relatives.  Just a couple of months ago, I was sharing with a relative that DD1 had been eating gingerbread man, pancakes, mantou as meals in school.  She commented since I'm a SAHM, I should deliver homecooked lunch to school.  If she is a SAHM, she will definitely deliver meals to her children.  Blah blah blah....  Me being me, I rebuked and shut her off.

I'm sure every parent wants to provide the best for their children.  But if you are in a least favourable position, do you have the luxury to do that?  If you are not, you will have to seek the next best alternative.  For me, it will be educating DD1 that eating these on a daily basis may deprive her nutrient intake.  I cannot be sure if she listens but that is the best I can do, at least for now.

Although we have no nasty bosses, no reports submission, no lengthy meetings, no irritating colleagues, we still have our own deadlines.  SAHMs has no annual leaves, no off paid leaves, no medical leaves.  We do not have time to skive in our job, not to mention there is no proper lunch break.  I remember I used to go for coffee breaks with my fellow colleagues, including my boss.  Or gossiping about the latest artiste/celebrity at colleagues' workstation/cubicle, etc...

Of course, if you are talking about a SAHM who doesn't need to do marketing and cooking (these 2 are the main killer!), it is an entirely different story.  Even for a SAHM with a domestic helper/staying with parents/inlaws, I'm sure they are busy in other ways.  Some homemakers are busy chauffeuring their kids around, and this is definitely time-consuming.  And for some, they spend time on coaching and that is very draining too.

Finally, for those who know me in person, I know you are reading my blog.  I'm telling you this for the last time.  I'm offended, annoyed, irritated if you've labelled me as a 太太.  Don't start a conversation for the sake of having one.  Like what I've been telling my kids, if you have nothing nice to say, please keep your comments to yourself.  But of course, if you can do what I do and still have excess time for shopping or whatsoever gatherings, I'm giving you the entire right to label me as one.  Call me petty, I don't care.  Period.

51 comments:

Anonymous said...

Bravo! I salute you for speaking for so many of us SAHMs whom are faced with so- called friends/acquiantances/relatives who think we are 'TAIs-TAIs' sipping lattes and having high teas on a regular basis. And cooking and baking is just a hobby coz we have so much time on our hands.
Keep up the good work. You are a great Mum. Your kids will definitely benefit from your dedication even if they are too young to realise it at the moment.
Rgds, Dorie [another SAHM in Aust]

Kitchen Corner said...

I totally agree how you feel, and you are consider a superwoman for me, really!!! I will not be able to be like you and scare too!! My little one already make me so tired, how dare am I to have another one?!

Rene said...

If you can't be labelled as a capable mum, I don't know what is the definition then.

If only I accomplish 10% of what you do daily. =)

Don't let those non-SAHMs get you down with their thoughtless words.

Anonymous said...

ignore those "kaypoh" relatives........
-HB-

Happy Homebaker said...

I am sending you lots of hugs!

I will still get annoyed with those comments...especially from people I know! Just to share with you, I got comments that being a SAHM I could go shopping, to the gym or afternoon tea. Actually it is quite true, I do all that almost everyday...shopping at ntuc, carry heavy shopping bags, working out at home doing endless chores and of course high tea with homemade goodies with my boys ;)

Hope you feel better now, do drop me a note anytime u need a pair of listening ears.

wendyywy @ Table for 2..... or more said...

How to deliver food to school? Crazy? Tote the toddler along too?
In situations like these, the youngest one always get the priority.
But I'm sure dinner is always nutrient rich, so, what's wrong with having a simple lunch just not to go hungry? Sometimes kids need to learn to eat simple if the need arises.

Some people just never realise that ours is a 24/7 job. Even when I am sick, I still have to bathe my kids, pat them to sleep with heavy eyes and a stuffy brain. Luckily they are still glad with just milk the whole day long, if the need arises.

Shopaholic2802 said...

Yikes! Someone really pissed you off!!! I always tell hubby I dunno how you do it man,I dun think I can juggle 3 kids plus hsework plus a dog!!!

Anonymous said...

Dear blessedmommy,

First of all, hugs hugs to you. I get all these terrible/hurtful/insensitive comments everytime ... very sad too.. And people won't know( including some SAHM with helpers or without) how busy we are and the job that we are doing is Endless...It's a 25/8 job, hehe..

How nice if we can be taitais, doll up, to go hi tea everyday right, LOL, but we can't, because we put our family and children before us..The only tea we can have is bake for our kids/hubby and have with them and it's happiness that we see in their faces.To be there for them when they are back from school, to be there with piping hot dishes when our brood and hub come back from work.

Sometimes people may envy us so much that they want to put us down, so as to let them feel better.

Nowadays because some people won't understand our situation,I have chosen to just be so quiet and maybe aloof. Some people who have the same experience as you will encourage you, else I keep away from those whom you know will have nothing good to spue from their mouths. We'll just continue to plod on, knowing that our husband and kids are always supportive of us.

Cheer up ya,you are doing such a great job with all these fantastic cooking!
Love and have a blessed day, cupcake

Blessed Homemaker said...

Dorie,
Thanks for visiting and voicing out. Are you from Singapore too? I believe if you are sahm in other country, you'll prob get more labels than me. Alright, we don't wish to compare such labels here, it is nothing glamourous. Hahaha.. Have a good day!

Kitchen Corner,
Trust me, if you can handle 1, you can handle 2. And when you have a 3rd one, it becomes a breeze. Just that each day, you have to grit your teeth more often hahaha.. Don't let my experiences scare you. It is a joy to watch the kids play and grow together. And such joys are invaluable.

Blessed Homemaker said...

Rene, thanks for visiting and leaving me a note. Honestly, I'm no capable woman, I just do what I can for my family. I think it's the love for the family that makes me a stronger person.

Blessed Homemaker said...

HB, thanks!

HHB,
Thanks for your hugs! Your are so right about the shopping, gym and afternoon tea. I do that all the time too! Hahaha... This matter has been accumulating, from the same person and I'm annoyed. I won't care a damn if it's someone I don't know but to have it coming from a close friend, I felt hurt. But don't worry, I'm good. Just needed to vent and let her get the message.

Blessed Homemaker said...

Wendy,
There are parents delivering food to school, at the Parents' Corner. I can understand where she is coming from, about the nutrition part. But her kids are 11 and 9, and she has her mil to cook for her family. She does no marketing, no cooking, no washing, of course she can afford the time to deliver food to school. Hey, it's just walking for her, so why not? For my case, I have to lug 2 to school, just to deliver lunch for 1? Doesn't make good sense to me. That's why I get irritated when people makes such remarks without thinking of my situation.

Blessed Homemaker said...

Shopaholics,
When you are forced by circumstances, you just have to grit your teeth and do it. It is do or die here hahaha

Blessed Homemaker said...

Cupcake,
Thanks for sharing. You rock, 25/8! Mine only 24/7 and I'm complaining I don't have enough time. Then people start asking, so how come you have time to bake and blog? Well, that's my way of maintaining my sanity, a time away from kids. But, these people will never understand. Always tell me instead of using the time to bake you should use the time to sit down with your eldest and coach her in her studies. But hey, I need my sanity, else I'll prob end up in a mental hospital.

CaThY said...

Hi Blessed Homemaker,

I truly understand your situations & frustrations even though I have no kids yet. I used to be working full time & had to rush back home from work to cook everyday & do housework (my hubby is not helping so I am doing all the chores at home). At that point in time, I was really exhausted.

Thereafter, I switched to a part time job in teaching. My hubby & MIL always think I am very "FREE" since I am not working full time & have plenty of time at home. Some people also labelled me as 'tai tai' since I worked only part time. Yes, I am working part time but is functioning like a full time maid at home doing all the chores from cooking, washing, cleaning etc.

To me, 'Tai Tai' are people who do not need to do anything at home as they have maid to attend to their needs. They juz doll themselves up everyday & go for nail spa, hi- teas etc.

Anonymous said...

these constant insensitive remarks from the same person who is your close friend sounds like she is quite a mean person. Did it occur to you that she could be jealous of you and the love/happiness you have from your husband n kids? If someone is even a "friend" she will not constantly hurt or demoralise us. Perhaps you can make a choice if you want to associate with her since she stirs up these kind of unpleasant emotions in you.
The more defensive or angry you become (this is the impression i get from your blog entry) you are actually making her very happy cos she knows you have "fallen into her trap".
Cheers :)
May

Lite Home Bake said...

I thought I will share some thoughts as I qualify based on your 'been there, done that' criteria :) I took a break from my career and have been a SAHM for the past 1 year. Oh, boy, I had my fair share of cynical remarks that affected me no less, and what surprised me was some came from those who were close too. It is sad that many people think if one chooses to stay at home, they are taking an easy way out in life, in actual fact being a SAHM is one HUGE challenge. Personally, I felt it was tougher than what i did at work. I yearned to go back to work, I missed the hustle bustle of the work environment. After being on both side of the fence, all I can say is I have the greatest respect for SAHMs, it is the biggest sacrifice that a mum can give her child. Working mums will not know how much they have missed out until they experience it. Blessed are the children whose mothers are willing to be SAHMs and be there for them all the time. I am not sure if I can continue to be a SAHM, it’s just too tough but I am proud that I tried and I made it! My friend, you have the toughest job on earth and you are doing so great, not to mention all the effort to put so much good stuff on the table! It was also through the sharing of many homemakers like you that my son got his first homemade birthday cake (after 12 years!) and fed them with lots of homemade goodies. So thank you from the bottom of my heart and just ignore those ignorant ones out there! Cheers!

myme said...

我完全同意你所说的!!只有真正的SAHM才会了解。我们一起加油吧!!^o^

Kitchen Corner said...

I feel that I have lost myself after the new arrival. I should be happy and feel the joy but I'm don't feel it or yet. Is it normal? How long I need to adapt myself to this new life?

PiggyMummy said...

Big hugs from a SAHM from MAD City! I totally feel your frustrations and annoyance. When people I know tell me "You are very free hor, can bake and cook", I tell them, that I'm no TAI TAI, but a 太太 of Mr K. You are doing a great job, so keep it up! My hubby always says "SAHM are wonderful moms. It's a big sacrifice to give up a job and stay home to look after the family and kids" =D

Kris :) said...

Hi,

I'm just a reader of your blog but I'm also a SAHM to a pair of 16mths old twins.

I just want to say I FEEL YOU! I don't know what gives pple the idea or the right to think that SAHMs are very free pple and can afford to live like a tai tai.

I'm already amazed that you have 3 kids to juggle with and yet can bake and cook. That's an awesome accomplishment already :)

And yes, I definitely know how it feels to have toddlers who likes to poop before we leave the house and having to wake them up from a nap :(

anyway, just know that you're doing a great job already :) and do whatever it takes to maintain your sanity! you're no good for your kids if you cannot even function properly. don't let such pple get to you. they should see things from your perspective. what more if he/she is your close friend.

Anonymous said...

Hi there, I can empathize with you. I was staying home for a period. Reading your posts brought back memories of the days that never seem to end. I applaud you for your perseverance, love & commitment. You have the best job in the world as what you do means so much more than promotions, bonuses & prestige, even though a lot of times it may not feel so. Godspeed!

Peng said...

hahaha I empathized with u ^-* me same situation with u loz, 5YO boy & 20mths old gal without helper and hubby away for almost 2mths already...miss him?? neh...no time to think abt him!! lol

Anonymous said...

Hi, I totally understand how you feel, ignore those remarks, most importantly you have achieved being a good and caring wife and mother to the husband and kids. I believe in good bonding with the kids and it is really a joy to be with them during their growing up years. I wished I could be the same...
I am not SAHMS, I work and my work need my full attention and i have tight deadlines to meet. My day start at 5.30am (latest earlier will be 5am)in order to spend quality time with the kids and to coach them with school work in the evening, i do washing (handwash) before I go to work, prepare breakfast, tie their hair, send them to take schoolbus, quickly i bath and by 8.30am I am at my office desk. Certain days when my kids come home directly from school instead of going to my mum place which they usually do, I will prepare their lunch and put in the thermos cooker. I don't like the idea of my kids taking outside food and I like to have food ready when they reach home to enjoy homecook meal. At times I do feel tired, my husband if not overseas will be work till very late, so most of the time I am left with the kids.
With exam around the corner that crash with monthend that's the worst nightmare, I have to planned my work well in order to take leave. Not easy at all, it helps if the bosses are understanding and luckily for me this company that I just joined allow me to work from home. It is tired to take good care of the household as well as to perform in my work..but I am very proud of myself that I can manage. I may not be able to give 101% to my performance but at least i reached 100% :D
ek

Anonymous said...

I know your feelings exactly. I'm in the same position as you with 3 children as well and this has been my 'battle' ever since the day I stopped work. Whenever I meet ppl and when they found out I'm a SAHM, the expression and impression just changed. I learned over the years to just walked away from them, cos they're not worth my time and also to only mix with those ladies who understands or are in the same situation as me.
Your friend is no friend if she keeps harping on you abt being a 'tai-tai'... I think she has an inferiority problem ;-). Yup, jealous of what you are and doing, and she knows she's NOT THAT.
I think my children are older than yours. Mine are 10,7 and 5... n it does get easier (well, other areas get tougher...cos now they know how to answer back haha)...soooo hang in there.
Keep up the good work,
Iv (another SAHM in Spore)

Happy Homebaker said...

I like the comment from Cupcake, and your reply to hers. I am like her, choose to keep quite or not to talk about my life as a SAHM during the rare gatherings with friends. Sometimes I even turn down invites to gatherings.

Only a couple of close friends know that I bake and blog, the rest, no point to tell since they won't understand and I dont want to invite unwanted comments.

but I do hope now that you have told you friend off, she is able to understand your situation.

mummyed said...

Thank you for sharing all your recipes and thoughts on your blog!
As a (mostly) SAHM, I "love" how people love to call us Tai-tais. I usually tell them, I haven't got a nanny, or the big car, or the hair. I certainly won't mind going for high teas more often too! LOL.

sherlyn said...

I share what you have written. So far I have not got any such comments directly as I am always with SAHM when I am outside fetching kids, or sending kids .. other than those hours, we are either in the supermarket or "locked" at home. And yes, cooking and matketing is a killer! I told my dh, if I do not need to plan the meals, buy the ingredients, pre preparation, cook then wash, I would save alot of time.
I am worst than you, cos I take a long time for a bake (esp new one that I have not tried before), so I try to bake less and blog less .. Furthermore I only blog after the kids sleep and hsework all done (ie late at nite) so sleep is sacrificed, but old age catchin g up really fast so blogging seemed to be coming to a standstill :-(. I hope I will be able to catch up soon.

p/s : sounds like I am complaining to you hor :) 我們一起加油吧!

wendyywy @ Table for 2..... or more said...

Yeah la, if my kids are that big and all of them in school, I can also deliver, but ur DD3 is still young and at home, it's impossible to do that. You can focus on your chores when all the kids are in school, but with even 1 at home, it's impossible to market, prep and deliver (not counting preping the girl to tote along), all DIY with no help
My mom used to deliver meals to my brothers, but that was when she took me to school and I was in the afternoon session, so, it was a "convenient" task. If not she'll just give them money to eat in school.

Blessed Homemaker said...

Thanks for all your comments and experiences. I'm fine, don't worry about me. I just feel a need to post this because sahms are often misunderstood by many. And I hope with my sharing, working people have a better idea of what sahms do. We might seem like we have lots of time, with no reports to run, no meetings to attend. And if we need to run some errands, the kids follow. A 30 mins trip becomes a hour, blah blah blah... I'm not affected by it, no way, not going to feel miserable over such matters, it's just not worth my effort :-)

Blessed Homemaker said...

Kitchen Corner,
When I delivered my first born, I wasn't able to connect with her too. She was a total stranger to me. It took me a while to love her from my heart. Don't worry if you are taking a bit longer to feel this way.

Butterscotch said...

Thank you so much for the post.I like to share my exprience.My family used to have a maid till I was 10. My parents felt the my sibling who was is a year younger than me were old enough to care for ourselves so they stopped hiring the maid.My sibling and I were in different school sessions so only 1 of us will be at home.It was the most horrible time of my childhood.Imagine going back to an empty and not so tidy home,takeout food or cold homecook meals in a thermoflask for lunch and a late dinner.That was also the period which I learnt to be independent and to do housework ad I had to help out with the laundry,washing up,moping the floor etc. My dad decided to retire and became a SAHD when I was in lower seconday school.My dad has been a SAHD for close to 10 yrs.He does everything a SAHM does.His presence at home with us and the time spent with us is irreplaceable.We are very much closer to him than our mum as a result.Your post had made me appreciate his efforts even more:) I'm sure your kids will appreciate your efforts and ur sacrifices will be worthwhile.

Butterscotch said...

Thank you so much for the post.I like to share my exprience.My family used to have a maid till I was 10. My parents felt the my sibling who was is a year younger than me were old enough to care for ourselves so they stopped hiring the maid.My sibling and I were in different school sessions so only 1 of us will be at home.It was the most horrible time of my childhood.Imagine going back to an empty and not so tidy home,takeout food or cold homecook meals in a thermoflask for lunch and a late dinner.That was also the period which I learnt to be independent and to do housework ad I had to help out with the laundry,washing up,moping the floor etc. My dad decided to retire and became a SAHD when I was in lower seconday school.My dad has been a SAHD for close to 10 yrs.He does everything a SAHM does.His presence at home with us and the time spent with us is irreplaceable.We are very much closer to him than our mum as a result.Your post had made me appreciate his efforts even more:) I'm sure your kids will appreciate your efforts and ur sacrifices will be worthwhile.

mabel said...

Thank you for writing this. I can see and feel some of it.

mabel said...

Thank you for writing these down. I can see and feel some of it.

Anonymous said...

I am a working mummy (of 2 kids) who constantly give kudos to SAHM!
My 2over hrs alone consecutively for 2nites with them at nite is almost making me shag.
When i am sick, i really wondered how did my mum survived taking care of 3 of us while still able to cook, do housework and sew clothings for a living at home! She is the best SAHM followed by you, blessed homemaker!
Jiayou and ignore those ignorant ppl!

Anonymous said...

so glad to hv found your blog, i am a SAHM since 2002, I have a 12 yr old girl and a 9 yr old boy, all these yrs I dont have a maid and I dont have parental or in laws help, my hubby travels v often on the job so I hv to depend on myself. I am happy to see so many SAHMs here, it is tough and it is gd to know that you are not alone. i hate it too when pple call me a taitai. I hate it when some of my single friends think that I have no identity left when I left the workforce and tell me not to become a yellow fac woman. Who says that i dun have an identity, I AM a FT mom and proud to be one !

Anonymous said...

Not all people are interested to know the life of a sahm, some don't even want to put themselves in your shoes. Get a life.

Faeez said...

I can feel you.... I was a SAHM for more than 10 years, looking after my 4 children. Couldn't tahan, so decided to work part-time, just to keep my sanity.
Yes, we need to tell those irritating pple off, there & then!! the harsher, the better!!

edith said...

Well said! Life as a SAHM is definitely no bed of roses for us.

I am blessed with a helper but that comes with emotional stress as well but I did have no helper for 5 whole years and I understood perfectly how you feel as well.

We SAHM should form a club!

Food For Tots said...

Nowadays, SAHM is totally different than the olden days. We are expected to do everything under the sun from housework to coaching our kids. Even though I have one and without maid, I'm still as busy as a bee. Most of the time I still stay past midnight to settle my stuff. But I never regret for making this decision. I really salute you for being able to cope with two. Keep up the good job!

Food For Tots said...

Ooops, sorry...should be "coping with 3 kids". ;)

ka said...

Thank you for sharing your experiences with us. I can so relate to the daily 'gifts'!!
When the kids were younger, I felt like I was hamster in a running wheel, every day cook-clean-wash, cook-clean-wash, cook-clean-wash nonstop! Over and over!!
We have been living overseas for the past 4 years, away from family support and with no maid. Trying to adapt to a totally new country with my then 4 and 9 yr old was not easy with DH away at work the whole day. But now, the kids are more independent and can help around the house. The feeling you get when your kids can fold clothes and wash plates is absolutely priceless and worth all the stupid, insensitive remarks and acres of dirty floor you've had to clean! :D
But you know, the most hurtful remark I have ever received was not from some envious acquaintance, but from DH himself! Sometimes he doesn't realise the amount of work needed to keep the house tidy so that he comes back to a comfortable home, meals freshly cooked so that he has a decent hot homecooked meal and laundry nicely folded and placed in his drawer so that he can just reach in and get whatever he needed at all times. I can be relaxing slightly in front of the PC after I complete all my chores, and he can just walk in and ask, "So what have you been doing? Coffee with the ladies?" @%#$%^#??!! *bang head on wall* Remedy for that? Shopping.... :D

Anonymous said...

What's wrong with you? You chose this path yourself so stop whining.

wendyywy @ Table for 2..... or more said...

Anonymous right above,
she's not whining. She's educating those who have no idea the situation she is in so that those ppl will know that SAHM is not a taitai life. When you whine, you expect sympathy or empathy. I don't think BH needs that.
Leave a name if you dare.
Don't even come if you don't like what she writes, maybe you are one of those...

JJ said...

I can understand how you feel. Last year I quit my job of 15 years to be a SAHM to focus on my 2 kids age 4 & 7. The elder just started his year 1 in primary school last year and it was such a struggle for him to cope with the the school & homework. My hubby very busy at work & always on outstation business trips. I am so "well trained" to be a supermom. I couldn't find a good balance to juggle work & family. I felt sorry to my kids that I couldn't be there for them when they need me, and yet my boss thought i didn't perform well at job. So i decided to make a change. Those who knows for for many years and worked together with me for many years, started to call me "siu nai nai" or "tai tai". I felt so irritated when they called me like that right in front of me. I think they are just being jealous that I have the guts to make the change of my life. I still find it annoying when people say that to me, especially those who are close to me. It's disappointing. But i tried my best to take it lightly. Don't fuss over those people comment, not worth out time at all. Just to share with you this beautiful article (in Chinese). I'm sure every mom will enjoy reading it. All the best to you.

woo said...

Hi..pple jus love to b negative sometimes. Those who bothered to leave u a msg telling u to stop whining/get a life etc..well i wonder y they bothered to read yr blog & comment..they obviously need to get a life of their own!! Haa
Well i became a sahm after working for 20yrs!! It was not easy esp becoming a mum when i was 38! After #2 came along i resigned & became a sahm. For anyone who has done a shift work like those i went tru for 17yrs while i was working at the airport..believe me..a sahm mum's hours r really nuts!!,24/7 365 days .. no childcare/annual/medical leave!! No time off..dont even have time to really sit down on the toilet bowl or shower..whoever says being a sahm aka hdb taitai is an easy job, be prepared to take up my challenge for a day..then tell me who is having the easy thing!
Even after 1.5 yrs wiz a 3.5 dd & almost 2yo ds..i m still juggling everyday..i m luckier in a way cos my pil are helping me to fetch & care for my dd after class. We go over for dinners, i only have to shop n cook for us on weekends and lunch.
So for those who thinks they are ready for some 'fun' for a day, feel free to step into the shoes & take up the challenge & let us enjoy a day off! So take up the challenge or back off and keep those hurtful comments to yourselves!

Anonymous said...

Stay strong and convicted!

High tea tai-tais are different lot of people. They have 1-2 maids at their dispense, lots of spare cash and time on their hands to attend to their own needs. SAHMs are not necessarily tai-tais. Many people don't see the difference.

SAHMs like us don't even have time to sit in a salon, much less sport manicured nails. People who really do household chores, cook and clean should know how little time there is for ourselves in a day.

From: a stayhome mom

Anonymous said...

Yr posting was a spot on..I simply hate it when pple think that we are super rich..can afford to be SAHM..in a way, I am glad that our finance situation allows single income source but do pple know how much we have given up? I hardly buy new clothes, get new hairstyles, eat out and much less abt traveling. Pple say we choose to do so we shd not complain..but hey...being SAHM is not equate to being tai tai..Right now, I am waiting for my laundry..sipping my kopi (after vacuuming and mopping the floor)..so that I can survive the night hanging my laundry and doing my ironing...and before I retire to bed..take a peep in the fridge and crack my brain to think what meals to cook for tomorrow! Lucky I have blogs like yours to rely on to give me some cooking tips and ideas. And on really bad days..I will just feed my kids with instant noodles,Prata or sandwich, so long as they EAT!! SAHM is both physically and mentally challenging! It is not a job for everyone.

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iman said...

hi, thank you so much for writing this. i went thru the same experience.more often than not i would just keep quiet but deep inside im very sad and sometimes feel very inferior. Thank God my husband is very supportive. well.. at the end of the day this is what i want to do. i just cant imagine leaving my kids at the day care centre or alone with d helper