SAHMs = Tai Tai (太太)?

This was first drafted back in February 2010.  Yes, that is 1 year 10 months ago.  Being lengthy, it took me a  long time to organise my thoughts and when things got busier, I totally forgotten about this until I saw HHB's posting here.  What's past is past so I was hesitant if I should post this.  I mean, I tend to take things easier now, not as easily agitated as before.

With my recent encounter with a working mom who is also a weekend mom, I've decided to go ahead with my posting. I hope that through my sharing, working class people will know the life of a SAHM (stay-at-home-moms), typically those with no extra pair of hands.

We do not wish to be taken for granted, neither do we like to hear sarcastic criticism, especially from people who know us.  Being a homemaker is no easy feat, so please give us your support and encouragement.  Although we are not directly contributing to the society, we are contributing at home so that our offsprings will be able to contribute to the society when they grow up.

So please bear with me as this is definitely a lengthy post.

And I just updated this in my FB
"You need to BEEN THERE DONE THAT to understand the predicaments that SAHMs are going through, else shut your trap as no comments are appreciated."


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Thoughts dated: Feb 2010 - Feb 2011
Put yourself in these situations:

• Your two year old toddler is awake and she asks to be nursed.  You have another school going child to attend to.

• You are almost late for school but the kids are playing and took forever to finish their breakfast.  After shower and all dressed up ready for school, while waiting for the lift at the lift lobby, one child needs to poo.

• The dog is paper-trained but it is advisable to walk the dog at least twice daily as the nature of your dog is hyperactive.  Again, when you're all ready, your two year old toddler poops or refuses to walk the dog simply because she is very sleepy/cranky and wanted to take her nap.

• A visit to the local supermarket for grocery shopping with a two year old in tow.  The cleaner with the cleaning machine approaches, creating a noise louder than a vacuum cleaner.  She freezes and refuses to walk until the machine is out of her sight and hearing.  Else she wants to be carried as she's afraid, and when she's in your arms, she clings on like a koala, without any moment of relaxation.  You have a full load of items in your shopping basket.

• At the supermarket: your two year old is happily walking around helping you pick up fruits and vegetables.  A good educational trip but you have to ensure she doesn't drop the perishables, nor poke her fingers into cling-wrapped food, and be certain there are no extra food in your shopping cart.

• You are at the supermarket and just when you finish making a payment, you child tells you she needs to go to the loo.  You have a trolley full of paid merchandise.

• It is time to prepare lunch but your toddler needs a nap .  After putting her to bed, you are on 5th gear mode and work doubly fast to be on time to pick your son from school.  When it's time to fetch your son, your toddler is still napping.  You had to either carry the toddler up, praying that she continues to sleep or wake her up.  A cranky child awakes.

• When your son returns from school, you are in the kitchen serving their lunch.  The 2 kids are left to play by themselves.  Peace.  Suddenly a child wails.  With your hands full of lather (or perhaps cleaning up the fish that you are planning to steam), she clings onto your thigh and wants to be carried.  Your dishes are half-done, meals uncooked.

• Food is served.  Kids enjoying their food while you wash up the dishes in the kitchen.  You heard giggles and laughters, next comes the squabbles follows by a dropping bowl/spoon.  You walk towards the children to receive your welcome gifts.

• Your eldest child is back from school. On most days, she stays back for lunch in school. She has 1 -  2 hours to complete her school work and learn her spelling (both English and Mother Tongue). Your toddler is asking for her nap again. When she naps, it's time to prepare dinner. When she wakes up, it's time for their 30 minutes (minimal) outdoor activities. Back from outdoor play, dinner after shower.

• Your mobile phone rings.  You receive a call from your eldest child school.  Your child is either sick or there is no school bus for that day.  You have to lug 2 young children to your eldest child's school.  Worse if your toddler is taking her nap and you have to wake her up, cranky.  It is a mere 10 - 15 mins walk but with 2 shorter legs, it takes 20 - 25 mins.  Sometimes you tend to walk faster as you are hurrying, the poor kids have to run after you, panting.  Late dinner.

• Fruits after dinner is a routine.  While kids are having their dinner, you wash up the dishes and the stove.  After brushing their teeth and sending them to bed, you take your 3rd shower of the day.  Then it's time to do the laundry.  By the time you are done with laundry, it is past midnight.

• Sweeping and mopping the floor is a daily affair.  You allow the kids to mess up during play but when they are done, they need to pack up.  Reminders given but no action taken.  House is constantly is in mess.  Remedy, you help them to pack but the toys don't go back into the toy basket, they go into hibernation ie storeroom.

• Your husband is on an overseas trip again but you have forgotten to think/miss him.  Totally completely exhausted by the end of the day.

• You sleep 4 - 6 hours daily.

• Your hair needs regular trimming (3 - 4 weeks) to maintain the style but to go to the hair salon, you need to lug either 1, 2 or 3 kids.  You end up visiting the hair salon every 4 -  5 months, and that is already a bonus.

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Thoughts dated: Jun 2011



I'm not saying I'm a capable woman, neither am I a superwoman.  I am in this situation because I am a SAHM.  I'm left with no other options but since I'm one, I am trying my utmost best to be a good mother and a good wife.

As far as I'm concern, it is infuriating how people label SAHMs as 太太 (pronounced as tai tai) or "free" ie nothing better to do. I get loads of such comments from friends/acquittances/relatives.  Just a couple of months ago, I was sharing with a relative that DD1 had been eating gingerbread man, pancakes, mantou as meals in school.  She commented since I'm a SAHM, I should deliver homecooked lunch to school.  If she is a SAHM, she will definitely deliver meals to her children.  Blah blah blah....  Me being me, I rebuked and shut her off.

I'm sure every parent wants to provide the best for their children.  But if you are in a least favourable position, do you have the luxury to do that?  If you are not, you will have to seek the next best alternative.  For me, it will be educating DD1 that eating these on a daily basis may deprive her nutrient intake.  I cannot be sure if she listens but that is the best I can do, at least for now.

Although we have no nasty bosses, no reports submission, no lengthy meetings, no irritating colleagues, we still have our own deadlines.  SAHMs has no annual leaves, no off paid leaves, no medical leaves.  We do not have time to skive in our job, not to mention there is no proper lunch break.  I remember I used to go for coffee breaks with my fellow colleagues, including my boss.  Or gossiping about the latest artiste/celebrity at colleagues' workstation/cubicle, etc...

Of course, if you are talking about a SAHM who doesn't need to do marketing and cooking (these 2 are the main killer!), it is an entirely different story.  Even for a SAHM with a domestic helper/staying with parents/inlaws, I'm sure they are busy in other ways.  Some homemakers are busy chauffeuring their kids around, and this is definitely time-consuming.  And for some, they spend time on coaching and that is very draining too.

Finally, for those who know me in person, I know you are reading my blog.  I'm telling you this for the last time.  I'm offended, annoyed, irritated if you've labelled me as a 太太.  Don't start a conversation for the sake of having one.  Like what I've been telling my kids, if you have nothing nice to say, please keep your comments to yourself.  But of course, if you can do what I do and still have excess time for shopping or whatsoever gatherings, I'm giving you the entire right to label me as one.  Call me petty, I don't care.  Period.